Heaven Confirms Pastors Are Allowed To Speed On Way To Church

HEAVEN — According to heavenly sources, church pastors are officially exempt from all posted speeding limits and well within their rights to speed on the way to church.

“They have important work to do,” the angel Gabriel said.

According to Romans 13, Christians are to be subject to the governing authorities, but that comes with the caveat that the rule is void if it would lead a Christian to violate God’s law, which requires pastors to be at church on time. A pastor slowing down to obey traffic laws reportedly qualifies for this exemption.

The announcement vindicated one pastor who was caught speeding down the streets of Mobile, AL, last month. “Out of the way! I have a sermon to preach!” Pastor Nathan Crenley had reportedly shouted at the time as he drove 85 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. Though several people were injured as they veered out of the way of his rampaging vehicle, he made it to church on time and, as the pastor said as he sped by them, “You should all be in church anyway!”

“It’s ok, officer, I’m a pastor,” Crenley was heard explaining to law enforcement after being pulled over.

Local police departments were reportedly not likely to adhere to heavenly guidance, however, as not everyone who serves the city is a Christian. But pastors were encouraged to speed to church anyway, as God’s providence was expected to make all traffic work for the good of those who love Him.

At publishing time, pastors around the country prayed that church members also be permitted to speed so they wouldn’t have to deal with people arriving late and distracting them in the middle of the service.