The Babylon Bee Has Obtained A Leaked Copy Of The Iran-U.S. Peace Deal

News broke this morning that the United States and Iran have agreed to the framework of a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon Bee has managed to secure a leaked copy. Here, presented for the first time anywhere, are the terms each side has committed to:

1. Iran will reopen the Strait of Hormuz in exchange for the Ayatollah getting a signed poster of that muscly Jack Ryan actor: Hubba-hubba!

2. Trained pet dog from Israel for every Iranian man: Not sure why they want this, but okay.

3. Iran will get rid of its enriched uranium by putting it into a bomb and dropping it on Israel: Problem solved.

4. Tucker Carlson will be permanently relocated to Tehran: It’s what we call a “win-win-win.”

5. The Middle East will get together to come up with a shorter name for the “United Arab Emirates”: What a mouthful.

6. The U.S. will unfreeze Iranian assets in exchange for pinky promise that the money won’t be given to terrorists: Score!

7. Iran will be officially renamed “The Islamic Republic Of Trump Lovers”: It’s got a ring to it.

8. Someone will finally go explain to Alan Jackson the difference between Iraq and Iran: Way overdue.

While the two countries iron out the final details, we can rest easy knowing this amazing deal is in place.