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Dad Fussy After Missing His Afternoon Nap
REDMOND, OR — A lost afternoon nap threatened to ruin the entire day of local dad Stephen Hearst, who was now clinically fussy, sources said.The predicament presented itself when Hearst, who was already tired from a late night the night before,…
Beyond Meat In Financial Trouble After Public Learns Real Meat Exists
EL SEGUNDO, CA — Shareholders were briefed at an emergency meeting to address swirling rumors, as vegetarian alternative manufacturer Beyond Meat was reportedly in financial trouble after the public learned that real meat exists.Though the…
The Civilizational Struggle That No One Talks About
In a recent article, I made the point that the Israeli-Hamas war should be seen as part of a 1,400-year-long civilizational struggle between Islam and just about everyone else. As Yusuf al-Qaradawi, one of Islam’s most popular and influential…
Harvard to Pay $500 Million to Trade Schools in Rumored Deal with Feds
Harvard may soon pay $500 million to Massachusetts “workforce and vocational programs” to redress its violation of Jewish students’ civil rights, multiple news outlets report. In exchange, sources “close to the negotiations” told The New York…
Bondi to Sanctuaries: You Must Confirm You Are Complying With Federal Immigration Laws
AP ImagesPam Bondi U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi has put sanctuary jurisdictions nationwide on notice that they had better comply with federal immigration statutes or face the consequences.Thirty-two cities, states, and counties have…
Tragic: Stranger Thinks Your Sports Team Shirt Is An Invitation To Talk To You About Sports
ESCONDIDO, CA — According to sources, local man Randy Rivera was disappointed to discover that wearing his favorite sports team's shirt apparently served as an open invitation for any random stranger to talk to him."Whoa! Are you a…
Costco Decision to Not Sell Abortion Pill is a Huge Pro-Life Victory
Costco said it will not dispense the abortion drug mifepristone at its pharmacies, delivering a major victory to pro-life advocates, Bloomberg reported Thursday. The wholesale giant said it will not sell the abortion pill at its more than 500…
11 New Artifacts Trump Ordered The Smithsonian To Display
In addition to ordering a comprehensive review of the Smithsonian museums to root out "wokeness," President Donald Trump has reportedly provided the institutions with a list of new items to display instead.The Babylon Bee has obtained…
Hospital Will Pay $1 Million to Christian Employees Fired for Refusing COVID Vaccine
Mercyhealth, a hospital system in Illinois and Wisconsin, has agreed to pay more than $1 million and has offered reinstatement to employees it fired for refusing on religious grounds to comply with the company’s COVID-19 shot mandate. The…
It’s Euthanasia or Assisted Suicide, Not “Medical Aid in Dying”
What’s in a name ? “That which is called a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” Thus runs the amazingly fertile thought of the single most quoted speaker of the English language. And within the context of Romeo’s love for Juliet we are…