Featured
California Abandons $250 Billion Study On Why It Has So Many Unfinished Projects
SACRAMENTO, CA — California's $250 billion study looking into why it has so many unfinished projects was abandoned while only half-finished, the governor's office confirmed Friday.Governor Gavin Newsom shuttered the project, citing…
Local Man Like His Coffee Cold, With Milk, Just Like A Little Baby
SEATTLE, WA — According to sources, local man Richard Stevenson prefers to take his coffee cold and with milk like a little baby.While grown men are widely known to drink black coffee, insiders confirmed that Stevenson likes to have copious…
Local Man Likes His Coffee Cold, With Milk, Just Like A Little Baby
SEATTLE, WA — According to sources, local man Richard Stevenson prefers to take his coffee cold and with milk like a little baby.While grown men are widely known to drink black coffee, insiders confirmed that Stevenson likes to have copious…
Want to Be “More Like Europe,” Dems? Institute Voter ID
For years we’ve heard from a certain population segment and ideological set that we should, essentially, be “more like Europe.” We should have Europe’s nationalized healthcare. We should have Europe’s gun-control laws. We should have Europe’s…
Theologians Believe Every Meal In Heaven Is Ice Cream In A Miniature Baseball Helmet
NOTRE DAME, IN — After a thought-provoking roundtable discussion, theologians at the University of Notre Dame concluded that every meal in Heaven is most likely ice cream in a miniature baseball helmet."It makes the most sense," said…
Patel Confirms FBI Buying Americans’ Location Data
FBI Director Kash Patel confirmed that the bureau is buying commercially available data that can track people’s movements and reconstruct their location history. The practice sits at the center of a growing legal and constitutional dispute.Patel…
Congresswoman Wants to Save Babies and Women From Dangerous Abortion Drugs
A new bill is aiming to regulate the abortion drug mifepristone, citing concerns over the drug’s environmental impact endangering the health of the American public. Rep. Mary Miller (R-Ill.) introduced the Clean Water for All Life Act on…
Newsom Allocates $900 Million For Black Bear Porta-Potties
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom announced the signing of an executive order that allocates over $900 million of additional funding to the California Department of Parks and Recreation for the purpose of setting up porta-potties for black…
‘Fear Not!’ Says Chuck Norris To Calm Trembling Angels
HEAVEN — A group of seraphim guarding the gates of Heaven was terrified yesterday by the sudden appearance of legendary martial artist and action star Chuck Norris, who passed into glory at the earthly age of 86."Fear not!" Norris…
Alberta Could Become First Canadian Province to Stop Euthanasia
Alberta has tabled legislation that would make it the first Canadian province to stop euthanasia. Alberta will potentially impose strict provincial limits on medical assistance in dying (MAID), restricting euthanasia to end-of-life cases and…