Health
Woman Awarded Trophy For Enduring 17 Hours Of Senseless Agony Instead Of Getting Epidural
MILWAUKEE, WI — After hours of horrifying agony and non-stop screaming, local woman Jessica Poulter was awarded a cool trophy for giving birth without an epidural.The entire staff of the hospital held a parade in her honor, praising her for…
America’s Obesity Crisis Solved As EBT Benefits Run Out
U.S. — The American Medial Association announced the long battle with American obesity had finally come to an end thanks to EBT benefits running out amidst the ongoing government shut down."The government being shut down is the best thing…
Asians Still Sticking With The Masks
WORLD — With COVID-19 no longer a public health emergency, people have largely abandoned their face masks and returned to pre-pandemic levels of caution with their health. That is, except for Asians, who appear to still be sticking with the…
Researchers Believe Autism Is Caused By Trains Being So Gosh Darned Cool
U.S. — A groundbreaking study of the factors contributing to autism has convinced scientists and doctors that autism is most likely caused by trains being so gosh darned cool. Scientific consensus now holds that the unmitigated coolness of…
Doctors Find Most Effective Treatment For Clinical Depression Is Giggling Baby
U.S. - Researchers at the University of Maryland have discovered that the most effective treatment for clinical depression is a giggling baby.Patients treated with giggling babies showed remarkable improvement in depression symptoms, with the…
7 Ways To Treat Your Headache Without Dangerous Tylenol
It's official: According to the U.S. government, taking Tylenol is "not good." However, this raises questions about how people should treat their headaches going forward.After consulting with RFK Jr., The Babylon Bee has come up…
RFK Announces It’s Actually Fine To Eat The Stuff In The Little Pouch That Says ‘Do Not Eat’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Decades of fear were swept away for millions of Americans this week, as Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that it's actually fine to eat the stuff in the little pouch that says "DO…