Health
Parenting Tip: Limit Your Child To Just 4 Hours Of Brain Rot Slop Each Day
U.S. — Experts are now recommending parents limit their children to just four hours of brain-rotting slop each day to better prepare them for the future.Pediatricians are encouraging parents to limit the time their kids spend staring blankly at…
Planet Fitness Offering Convenient New Two-Week Membership For New Year’s
HAMPTON, NH — As millions resolve to briefly get back in shape, Planet Fitness announced a convenient new two-week gym membership just in time for the New Year's holiday.According to sources, the New Year's holiday is the busiest time…
Trump Eases Marijuana Restrictions After Reviewing Extensive Research By Dr. S. Dogg
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Thursday softening the federal stance on marijuana after extensively reviewing notes from a "Dr. S. Dogg.""Drugs are bad. Always say no to drugs. But…
Shire Doctors Link High Cancer Rate To Use Of Pipeweed
MICHEL DELVING — According to the Gaffer, medical professionals published a paper linking the high rate of cancer among Hobbits to the smoking of pipeweed, a correlation he called "queer.""I read a paper about it, I did, and they…
Flintstones Vitamins With Ozempic Now Available For Fat Kids
MORRISTOWN, NJ — Drug manufacturer Bayer announced this week that they are releasing their popular Flintstones vitamins with added Ozempic to help slim down fat kids."This has been a long time coming," Bayer spokesman Scott Thomspon…
INCOMING — OBAMACARE OVERHAUL! Dr. Oz Talks How The Trump Admin Will Fix the Affordable Care Act [WATCH]
![INCOMING — OBAMACARE OVERHAUL! Dr. Oz Talks How The Trump Admin Will Fix the Affordable Care Act [WATCH]](https://teamredvictory.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/INCOMING-—-OBAMACARE-OVERHAUL-Dr-Oz-Talks-How-The-Trump-360x180.jpg)
Making America healthy again… Over the weekend, Dr. Mehmet Oz, the head of the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS), elaborated on recent comments from President Trump about his administration’s intentions to overhaul and fix…
Weight-Loss Drug Prices Slashed in New Deals — ‘A Triumph for American Patients’ [WATCH]
![Weight-Loss Drug Prices Slashed in New Deals — 'A Triumph for American Patients' [WATCH]](https://teamredvictory.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/Weight-Loss-Drug-Prices-Slashed-in-New-Deals-—-A-Triumph-360x180.jpg)
President Donald Trump just scored a win for American wallets — and waistlines. On Thursday, Trump announced major price-cutting deals with pharmaceutical giants Novo Nordisk and Eli Lilly to slash the cost of their wildly popular weight-loss…
Woman Awarded Trophy For Enduring 17 Hours Of Senseless Agony Instead Of Getting Epidural
MILWAUKEE, WI — After hours of horrifying agony and non-stop screaming, local woman Jessica Poulter was awarded a cool trophy for giving birth without an epidural.The entire staff of the hospital held a parade in her honor, praising her for…
America’s Obesity Crisis Solved As EBT Benefits Run Out
U.S. — The American Medial Association announced the long battle with American obesity had finally come to an end thanks to EBT benefits running out amidst the ongoing government shut down."The government being shut down is the best thing…
Asians Still Sticking With The Masks
WORLD — With COVID-19 no longer a public health emergency, people have largely abandoned their face masks and returned to pre-pandemic levels of caution with their health. That is, except for Asians, who appear to still be sticking with the…