Tech
8 Scary Facts About Data Centers
AI uses a lot of power, and it needs massive data centers to support it. That's why, despite data centers having existed for decades, people are suddenly running for the hills. But do they have a reason to be afraid? You be the judge.Here…
Blasphemous Bible App Claims To Have Update For King James Version
U.S. — A Bible application for mobile devices was blacklisted by members of several evangelical denominations after its developer claimed to release a new "update" for the King James Version.Despite being perfect and complete all the…
Coder Displaced By A.I. Told He Should Just ‘Learn To Mine Coal’
PORTLAND, OR — After losing his coding job to artificial intelligence, local man Roger Garrison was told by political pundits that he should instead learn to mine coal.With coal back in heavy demand to power the data centers that house…
Tim Cook To Be Replaced By Tim Cook Pro Max 17
CUPERTINO, CA — Apple announced on Monday that longtime CEO Tim Cook would be stepping down from his role at the company and would be replaced by Tim Cook Pro Max 17, effective September 1.Tim Cook Pro Max 17 is reportedly just like Tim Cook,…
Hell Confirms All Its Appliances Controlled With Apple TV Remote
NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Satan announced Wednesday that all its appliances going forward will be controlled by the Apple TV Remote."Today, Hell is finally at the forefront of modern technology and — where did I put that thing," said…
‘AI Will Kill Us All! We’re Doomed! DOOMED!’ Says AI CEO In Latest Pitch To Investors
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Anthropic, the maker of the next-generation AI assistant Claude, made news for giving increasingly aggressive pitches to investors ahead of a potential public offering. Founder and CEO Bob Anthropic recently gave his most…
‘AI Will Kill Us All! We’re Doomed! DOOMED!’ Says AI Company CEO In Latest Pitch To Investors
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Anthropic, the maker of the next-generation AI assistant Claude, made news for giving increasingly aggressive pitches to investors ahead of a potential public offering. Founder and CEO Bob Anthropic recently gave his most…
Google Maps Subtracts Hour From Travel Time After Realizing Dad Driving
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving."Dads statistically make fewer stops, race to get ahead of semis,…
New Reusable Water Bottle Makes You Sign In To Google
U.S. — According to sources, a new reusable water bottle now requires the user to sign into their Google account in order to open it. The water bottle runs on the Android operating system and features a 3.5" screen that can inform drinkers…
Tesla Unveils Self-Driving Little Tikes Cozy Coupe
U.S. — Tesla announced on Friday that it had entered an agreement to create a joint venture with Little Tikes to bring Full Self-Driving to the Cozy Coupe.The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe has always functioned as a mirror for the car industry. Kids…