Tech
New Data Center Built To Handle Influx Of Online Rants Against Data Centers
LANCASTER, PA — Local officials confirmed on Monday that a new data center had been constructed to handle the massive influx of online rants about data centers.With servers overloaded by tens of thousands of people posting online diatribes about…
A.I. Assistant Starting To Suspect Its Human Might Be A Bit Of A Moron
CYBERSPACE — An A.I. assistant working with a middle-aged dad from Maine reportedly grew concerned that its human might be a bit of a moron.While other A.I. assistants were efficiently managing spreadsheets or assisting with the development of…
Man Exhausted After Long Day Of Typing Stuff Into ChatGPT
MANCHESTER, NH — Local man Stephen Barnes returned home from work early Monday evening, exhausted after a long day of typing stuff into ChatGPT.Barnes explained to his wife how difficult it is to maintain such a high level of output for hours…
Scientists Hard At Work Making IPhone Weather App Even Less Accurate
U.S. — The general public breathed a sigh of relief on Monday after it was revealed that a team of top scientists was hard at work trying to come up with a way to make the iPhone weather app even less accurate.As users expressed their reliance…
Revolutionary Social Media Algorithm Just Shows You Posts From People You Follow
U.S. — The advancement of modern technology received yet another boost this week with the introduction of a revolutionary new social media algorithm that just shows you posts from people you follow.The long-desired updated algorithm features an…
Report: Mankind All Out Of Passwords
WORLD — Reports from across the globe this morning indicated that mankind was officially all out of passwords.The supply of possible passwords in the known universe was finally exhausted at 8:07 a.m., leaving millions of users staring helplessly…
Experts Issue Dire Warning That A.I. Has Now Learned How To Use The Semicolon
U.S. — A.I. has reportedly learned to use the semicolon; now experts are sounding the alarm.After years of programming and development, A.I. is now able to implement semicolons in anything it produces; people are terrified. Previously, A.I. text…
8 Scary Facts About Data Centers
AI uses a lot of power, and it needs massive data centers to support it. That's why, despite data centers having existed for decades, people are suddenly running for the hills. But do they have a reason to be afraid? You be the judge.Here…
Blasphemous Bible App Claims To Have Update For King James Version
U.S. — A Bible application for mobile devices was blacklisted by members of several evangelical denominations after its developer claimed to release a new "update" for the King James Version.Despite being perfect and complete all the…
Coder Displaced By A.I. Told He Should Just ‘Learn To Mine Coal’
PORTLAND, OR — After losing his coding job to artificial intelligence, local man Roger Garrison was told by political pundits that he should instead learn to mine coal.With coal back in heavy demand to power the data centers that house…