Worldviews
Tucker Claims Muslims Love Jesus So Much They Help His Followers Meet Him
U.S. — According to podcast host and self-professed theologian Tucker Carlson, Muslims aren't anti-Christian. In fact, they love Jesus so much that they want to help His followers meet Him as soon as possible."They love Jesus more than…
Thanks, Wokeness: Commercials No Longer Showing Medicine As Tiny Little Warriors Who Murder Tiny Little Germs
U.S. — According to advertising experts, the reason television commercials no longer depict medicine as tiny little warriors murdering tiny little germs is because of "wokeness."A recent survey of consumers indicated that people had…
Confirmed: In His Final Days, Charlie Kirk Came To Agree With Whatever You Believe
U.S. — Following an extensive study that involved gathering information from all internet users, influencers, and podcasters, it has been officially confirmed that, in his final moments, Charlie Kirk affirmed whatever you believe.Though…
10 Ways To Come Out As A Conservative To Your Liberal Parents
Our current society can have trouble showing acceptance — especially to conservatives. If you're a young conservative who has kept your political views a secret from your family, knowing how to tell your parents can be difficult.The Babylon…
Man Outed As Nazi For Saying We Should Have Laws And Borders
GREEN BAY, WI — Local man Bill Green was outed as a literal Nazi when someone overheard him saying in public that we should have some laws and borders.Green was out with his family, enjoying his favorite local Mexican food joint, On The Border,…
REPORT: If You Read This Headline You Are A Racist DO NOT READ
URGENT — A new report indicates that if you read this headline, you are, in fact, a racist.All individuals who do not wish to be racist are strongly advised not to read the headline.Are you still reading? You are now racist. You were…
Exhausted White Liberal Women Clock In For Another Long Day Protecting Migrant Sex Offenders
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Another long day of work was on the docket, as white liberal women clocked in for another long day of protesting the arrest of migrant sex offenders.Progressive women emerged from their homes and headed into work for a full day…
Groundbreaking New Study Finds Islamophobia May Be Partially Caused By Muslims Killing People All The Time
CAMBRIDGE — As the nations of the West continue to struggle with understanding how to deal with the spread of immigrants from Islamic countries, a groundbreaking new study found that islamophobia may be at least partially caused by Muslims…
Atheist Looks Forward To The Warmth And Cheer Of Arbitrary Cultural Traditions With No Transcendent Meaning
NEW YORK CITY — Sources close to Gary Bard say that the long-time atheist is looking forward to the warmth and cheer of arbitrary cultural traditions with no transcendent meaning again this year.According to Bard, celebrating meaningless social…
Auschwitz Guard Explains He Doesn’t Hate Jews Or Anything, Just Zionists
OŚWIĘCIM — Jews on their way to their imminent deaths reportedly overheard a guard at the Auschwitz-Birkenau Death Camp, later identified as Maximilian Mulka, rejecting claims that he hated Jewish people, saying, "I don't hate the Jews…