DENVER, CO — Authorities issued a public service announcement warning citizens to avoid smoking marijuana because it could lead to attending Colorado Rockies games.
The Colorado Rockies are currently ranked last place in NL West and have no hope. According to sources, only people “completely and utterly baked” would bother going to one of their games.
“Marijuana can be a gateway to attending Rockies games,” said Police Officer Eric Plinth, who oversees the D.A.R.E. program in his department. “If you get high, you might find yourself in Coors Field, staring at the Colorado Rockies. Is that the sort of life you want?”
In collaboration with the Denver Police Department, the city government began an anti-drug initiative warning that consuming copious amounts of marijuana could lead people to watching the Rockies attempt to play baseball. The campaign includes posters, radio ads featuring celebrities, and a televised ad.
In the TV ad, a young woman holds up an egg. “This is your brain,” she says before smashing it. As the egg begins frying on a pan she says, “This is your brain at a Rockies game.” Surprisingly, the ad never mentions drugs.
According to researchers, marijuana is not any more likely to lead to attending a Rockies game than alcohol abuse, but the drug has been singled out for making users smell like Rockies fans.
At publishing time, Colorado lawmakers introduced new legislature that, if passed, would make marijuana illegal again.
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