‘I Hope Someone Names A Frozen Pizza After Me’ Thinks Red Baron While Being Shot Down In WWI Dogfight

VAUX-SUR-SOMME — New evidence has led historians to suggest that Manfred von Richthofen — known as the “Red Baron” — briefly entertained the hope of someday having a line of frozen pizzas named after him as he was shot down in a World War I dogfight.

According to contemporary accounts, the infamous Red Baron was shot down over the River Somme when a single bullet struck his plane and passed through his chest. Before succumbing to his wounds, he safely landed his plane in a nearby field while hoping against hope that someone would both invent frozen pizzas and subsequently name them after him.

After landing, he was approached by nearby Australian troops who attended to him. Historians previously thought his final words, if he had any, were lost to time until the discovery of an Australian medic’s diary.

“Mein Leben ist kaputt! I hope someone names a frozen pizza after me,” the Red Baron reportedly told the Australian troops who were with him. “Something tasty but… convenient so people don’t… have to fly to Italy for a decent pie. Not too thick. Not too thin. With just… the right amount… of crunch.”

Shortly afterward, the Red Baron breathed his last. At the time, Australian forces dismissed his thoughts as incoherent death throes because they had no idea what pizza was, but we now know that he was an intelligent man who loved pizza and wanted to make it more accessible and simple to enjoy at home.

At publishing time, it was revealed that the Red Baron had also dreamed of one day dueling a cartoon dog piloting a flying doghouse.