DALLAS, TX — Local driver and overachiever Ethan Harper reportedly showed off an insufferable level of perfectionism during his morning commute on Tuesday by intentionally using his vehicle's turn signal before changing lanes.Witnesses on…
ARCHERON (LV-426) — A grotesque creature scientists identified as a Xenomorph Queen reportedly elected to freeze its eggs until such time as it becomes "emotionally ready" to have offspring.Researchers believe the Xenomorph Queen had…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Science has declined to answer any questions to avoid incriminating itself for crimes it may have committed. Upon being brought in for a Congressional hearing over its handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, Science stated that it…
LONDON — In a stunning fall from power, one of the world's foremost Muslim leaders was forced to resign as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.Keir Starmer, a preeminent voice for Islam on the world stage over the past several years,…
The 2026 FIFA World Cup is being hosted in the United States for the first time since 1994. But what should be a cause for celebration is, instead, confusing a lot of Americans who can't quite seem to grasp the nature of the…
U.S. — In an attempt to give others a chance, the Scripps National Spelling Bee will heretofore offer a separate competition for non-Indian kids.Competition officials admitted that the domination by Indian students had reached the point where…
News broke this morning that the United States and Iran have agreed to the framework of a peace deal, and our investigative team here at The Babylon Bee has managed to secure a leaked copy. Here, presented for the first time anywhere, are the…
Whoa, man. Check it out: That's a free couch sitting on the side of the road there. Not a chair. Not a love seat. A whole friggin' couch.Couches cost so much these days, this is like finding $2,000 sitting in an envelope on the side of…
As you've probably heard, there is a chimpanzee civil war in Uganda.The Babylon Bee is here with what you need to know so you sound educated when the chimp civil war comes up in daily conversation:Are wars between chimps common?No. Usually,…
CHARLOTTE, NC — Advertisements popped up all across the city this week for a local speakeasy, The Hush Room, modeled as a completely discreet and hidden Prohibition-era bar that no one knows about.Posters, radio, and television advertisements…
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