MEDITERRANEAN SEA — The international community is calling for investigations after Greta Thunberg reported that her humanitarian flotilla had suffered an unprovoked attack from a Jewish Space Laser.
Security footage captured what appeared to be an incendiary device igniting on the deck of the ship, leading to speculations about a cruel and brazen attack by the IDF.
“I saw it, I saw the giant red laser of the Jews,” cried Greta hysterically to her social media followers. “I was blinded by a white hot light that appeared to come down from the upper atmosphere where the Jews keep their giant laser. They are trying to kill me! How DARE they?”
Thunberg confirmed the deadly attack made several slight char marks on the ship’s bulkhead, knocked over some photos of Ayatollah Khamenei, and interrupted a lively ayahuasca-fueled drum circle. “It might take years for us to recover from the trauma of this attack,” said another member of the flotilla. “Israel is truly heartless to attack us with a laser like this. Nothing can hide from the piercing gaze of the Jew Laser.”
IDF forces gave no response when reached for comment.
At publishing time, Thunberg had also accused the IDF of making her seasick.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
