World
Serving On Jury With Shrill Liberal Women Added To List Of Torture Methods Under Geneva Conventions
GENEVA — A diplomatic council convened over the weekend to vote on a supplement to the Geneva Conventions officially declaring serving on a jury with shrill liberal women a form of torture.The Geneva Conventions were established after WWII to…
Suspicions Of Ayatollah’s Death Rise After His Name Appears On California Voter Rolls
SACRAMENTO, CA — After months of speculation about Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei's health, suspicions of his demise arose once more after his name was discovered on the California voter rolls.According to reports, "Mojtaba H.…
Trump Threatens Military Action To Take Control Of Canada’s Maple Syrup Supply
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the military to seize control of Canada's maple syrup supply.Maple syrup had become a key sticking point in negotiations,…
Canada Vows To Retaliate Against Trump With Crippling Moose Tariff
OTTAWA — With the United States imposing massive tariffs on Canada over the weekend, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney vowed to bring the U.S. to its knees with a crippling moose tariff.Negotiations, which seemed on track last week to produce…
Thousands Of Accountants Board Higgins Boats In Preparation For ‘Economic D-Day’ Against Iran
PERSIAN GULF — Clutching their pens and calculators tightly, thousands of accountants boarded Higgins boats this morning in preparation for the launch of "Economic D-Day" against Iran.Several of the men made their last, final update to…
Trump Claims Strait Of Hormuz For U.S., Unveils Floating Golf Course
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that after declaring the Strait of Hormuz an official U.S. territory, it had immediately been filled by a floating Trump golf course.Trump unveiled the blueprints for several…
Trump Meets With Zelenskyy To Ask For U.S. Missiles
KYIV — President Donald Trump scheduled an emergency trip to Ukraine to ask President Zelenskyy for American missiles.Trump appeared before the Ukrainian Parliament to ask for the high-tech U.S. weapons systems, making the case that Ukraine does…
Trump Warns Iran This Is Their Fourth-To-Last Chance At Peace
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The stakes in the war with Iran reached new heights this morning, as President Donald Trump warned the Iranians that this was their fourth-to-last chance at peace.Iran responded to Trump's fifth-to-last peace offer by…
Spain Proudly Announces That Ceuta Is The Fastest-Growing City In The World
MADRID — The Spanish government proudly announced that after a recent demographic change, the city of Ceuta is now the fastest-growing city on the planet.Spain stated that Ceuta has become something of an overnight sensation, with tens of…
Spaniards Horrified To See Their Country Turning Into Minnesota
CUETA — The people of Spain were reportedly horrified to see footage of tens of thousands of migrants illegally invading their nation, knowing full well that their country could soon become Minnesota.Thousands of migrants fled Morocco into…