As an institution, the state of marriage is a grim picture – as clearly shown by recent statistics. Fewer people are getting married, and those who do are getting married increasingly later in life.
In fact, since the U.S. Census Bureau began tracking it in 1940, Americans are now less likely to be married than at any other time in our nation’s history. In 1949, 78.8% of households were led by a husband and a wife. Today, it’s just 47.1%.
Why fewer couples are marrying is a hot topic of conversation and debate in social science circles. According to Dr. Brad Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and author of “Get Married: Why Americans Should Defy the Elites, Forge Strong Families and Save Civilization,” it comes down to competing worldviews.
On one side are those, now the majority, who possess the “Midas mindset” – a prioritization of individual desires – wealth, work, and bucket-list pursuits accompanied by this idea that you’re only going to get married when you find the perfect mate. A recent Pew study found that 71% of those surveyed believed a great career was the pathway to a fulfilled life compared to just 23% who believe a happy marriage will bring them the riches the world will never provide.
It’s that latter group who are part of a “family-first” approach. Dr. Wilcox contends this prioritization is supported by what he calls the “5 Cs” –
- Communion – A deep emotional and spiritual bond between partners
- Children – The role of parenting in building a lasting relationship
- Commitment – Unwavering dedication to the partnership
- Cash – The financial stability that supports a strong marriage
- Community – Support networks that reinforce the relationship
As you might assume, Dr. Wilcox believes marriage should be a “cornerstone” of life and not the “capstone” that’s only laid in place after you check off all the boxes on your to-do list. In other words, getting married should be foundational to everything else.
Academics and scholars such as Brad Wilcox are well-versed in the research and make a compelling intellectual and social case for marriage. Pastors are also well positioned and authorized to advocate and encourage young people to get married. After all, the Bible is clear that marriage is one of God’s best creations. “It is not good for the man to be alone,” said God Himself. “I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18).
The Bible also highlights marriage’s many benefits ranging from companionship to procreation to sexual intimacy to spiritual strength and personal stability. The apostle Paul also points out that marriage reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:25-26).
Yet, we should not rely entirely on professors and pastors to make the case for marriage. First in the home and then outside of it, every happily married man and woman should be talking up the institution as a wonderful blessing.
Mothers and fathers should be intentional and deliberate about not only modeling a good marriage but also sharing about why it’s so good. Every child should know how their parents met and how they fell in love. Fathers and mothers should talk with their sons and daughters about dating and discernment. The parents need to help cast a vision and explain how much better life is when you have committed your life to someone and can spend your remaining years with them.
The old should be touting the joys of marriage to the young. Fathers should talk to their sons about finding a wife and mothers to daughters about finding a husband.
The sitcom “Seinfeld” is considered one of television’s most popular shows of all-time. Known for finding humor in the ordinary, the program nevertheless paid a great disservice to the institution of marriage on a variety of occasions, but never more so than when Jerry’s neighbor, Cosmo Kramer, tries to discourage him from getting married. Consider this exchange:
Kramer: What are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?
Jerry: Well …
Kramer: They’re prisons. Man made prisons. You’re doing time. You get up in the morning. She’s there. You go to sleep at night. She’s there. It’s like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?
Jerry: Really?
Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you’re eating.
Jerry: I can?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it’s dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don’t know. How about you? How was your day?
Jerry: Boy.
Kramer: It’s sad, Jerry. It’s a sad state of affairs.
Of course it’s just a fictitious show, but the program had a reputation for taking a nugget of truth and exaggerating it. Many people really believe what Kramer said – which is why fewer and fewer are pledging to stay together till the end. Ironically, the “sad state of affairs” occurs when young people deliberately choose to forgo marriage for selfish or foolish reasons.
As happily married Christian men and women, we shouldn’t be joking about marriage being a prison. We’ve all heard people sarcastically refer to it as a “ball and chain” or some variation thereof. It might get a laugh, but it also plants a poisonous seed with the unmarried.
We read a lot these days about social media influencers. Then there are those who leave product reviews on Amazon. People post about movies and music and rate food recipes all day long.
What if we devoted similar energy, attention and passion to extolling the many wonderful aspects of Christian marriage? Talk up your spouse and why you love being married to them. Enthusiasm for one of God’s greatest creations can be contagious and effective.
