8 New Jobs Dan Crenshaw Has His Eye On

Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path.

The Babylon Bee has heard through the Washington grapevine that Crenshaw has cast an eye toward one of the following potential jobs:

1. Monocle model: They reportedly only get paid half as much as models for eyeglasses, though.

2. Stockbroker: His years of success and killer portfolio speak for themselves.

3. Circus act as “The Man with Incredibly Poor Depth Perception”: Just don’t mix it with knife-throwing.

4. Major League Baseball umpire: He’ll fit right in.

5. Full-time telescope operator: Need someone to look at something through a telescope? He’s perfect.

6. Designor eyepatch creator: There’s almost no competition in this market.

7. Trombone player in a ska band: No relation to his eye. He just likes ska.

8. Somali pirate: All he needs to do is move to Somalia. Or even just Minneapolis.

It’s only a matter of time before he lands on his feet. What other jobs would be a great fit for Dan Crenshaw? Post your suggestions in the comments.