Nation Shocked As Candidate With Nazi Tattoo Turns Out To Be Total Scumbag

U.S. — One of the country’s most heavily scrutinized Senate races was thrown into chaos over the weekend, as the nation was shocked to learn that a candidate with a Nazi tattoo turned out to be a total scumbag.

Graham Platner, Democratic candidate for a U.S. Senate seat in the state of Maine and bearer of a now-infamous Nazi tattoo, surprised voters when a new scandal involving alleged lewd text messages made them think he might not be such a good guy after all.

“We never would’ve guessed,” said Brent Hargrove, a Maine voter. “He seemed like such a nice man. If you had told me a couple of weeks ago that the guy who has a Nazi Totenkopf tattoo on his chest would turn out to be such a reprehensible human being, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

Other Maine residents agreed that they were caught off guard by allegations that a man who voluntarily tattooed a Nazi symbol on his chest could end up being such a bad person. “I wish there had been clues,” said Sarah Jenkins of Bangor. “I, for one, was completely shocked to find out that the candidate who previously posted online that he hated police, labeled himself a communist, advocated for political violence, and got an SS tattoo was such a slime ball. Who knew?”

At publishing time, Maine voters were further dismayed by the discovery that Platner, who spewed hateful and violent rhetoric online for years, may not have been honest with them during the campaign.