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Not Again: Trump Struck In The Ear By Shot From T-Shirt Cannon

NEW YORK, NY — Chaos erupted during the NBA Finals on Monday night, as President Donald Trump was struck in the ear by a T-shirt launched from a cannon at Madison Square Garden while he attended the Knicks-Spurs game.

The incident occurred during a third-quarter timeout of Game 3. Witnesses said a Knicks cheerleader was aiming for the upper deck but aimed wrong, sending the rolled-up T-shirt projectile directly into the president’s luxury suite.

“I heard a loud bang, and then I saw the President drop to one knee behind the plexiglass,” said a Secret Service Agent, who was positioned nearby. “We immediately swarmed him, trying to shield him from any more incoming complimentary merchandise. It was pure chaos. Someone in the row behind us was screaming, ‘It’s an XL! It’s a white XL!'”

Trump emerged from the huddle moments later, raising a defiant fist to the crowd while a small piece of athletic tape was applied to his ear. The gesture drew a mixed reaction from the 20,000 fans in attendance.

“The radical left-wing cheerleader, who is a disaster, by the way, the least-attractive in the league by far, tried to take me out with a low-quality cotton-poly blend,” Trump told reporters after the game. “But we stood tall. The Secret Service did a fantastic job. Beautiful execution. And I did end up with the T-shirt, thankfully.”

At publishing time, all of the cheerleader’s social media history had been mysteriously erased.


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