9 Upcoming Fights In The White House Octagon

Brought to you by: Upward News

The UFC Freedom 250 event to celebrate President Donald Trump’s birthday (and also for America’s 250th birthday, kind of) was a massive success. That means one thing — more bloody, violent fights on the White House lawn. Through highly placed White House insiders, The Babylon Bee has obtained an exclusive sneak peek at future matches.

Here’s a rundown of exciting upcoming fights:

1. Former Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson vs. Senator Chuck Schumer: Two men enter, one man leaves. (It will probably be Mike Tyson.)

2. MMA Fighter and Actress Gina Carano vs. Actress Pedro Pascal: Star Wars costumes optional.

3. Climate Activist Greta Thunberg vs. Climate Change: Fans attending this fight get a free hat sponsored by MetLife.

4. Vice President JD Vance vs. Secretary of State Marco Rubio: Winner gets Trump’s full endorsement for the 2028 presidential campaign.

5. Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg vs. Trillionaire Elon Musk: A grudge match that’s been years in the making.

6. A new parent vs. a new baby seat: This fight will carry a parent advisory warning for strong language.

7. Kid Rock vs. Bruce Springsteen: Trump’s favorite rock star steps into the Octagon to defend the honor of MAGA.

8. Lindsey Graham vs. Pete Buttigieg: MMA experts predict this will be mostly a slap fight.

9. Bibi Netanyahu vs. Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei: This one’s for all the marbles. Literally a bag of marbles. And control of the Strait of Hormuz.

With this killer lineup, Trump is sure to make America great again before he starts his third term. What matchup are you most looking forward to? Let us know in the comments.

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After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!