New ‘Communist Catan’ Expansion Set Just Makes Players All Wait Their Turn For Grain

U.S. — A new “Communist Catan” expansion pack for the popular board game will have players just sit and wait for their turn to collect small amounts of grain.

Instead of building cities or trading resources to grow one’s economy, gameplay follows a rigid set of grain distributions to each player from one centralized source.

“Equity has at last come to Catan,” said the game developers. “There will be no more winners or losers, no more frustrating competition. Everyone will receive exactly the same disappointing amount of grain regardless of strategy or effort.”

According to the new expansion’s rules, players are prohibited from upgrading settlements without committee approval and may not accumulate more than three grain cards before the central authority begins reclaiming resources. The robber has also been replaced with a Bureau of Resource Fairness inspector, who will confiscate any excess and redistribute it to players who may have forgotten to obtain their share of grain.

Early testers from communist countries admitted the experience was “remarkably authentic.”

“We spent forty-five minutes waiting for grain,” said one participant. “Then the player in charge of handing out grain apologized and announced there wasn’t any grain. We all lost together. It was beautiful.”

At publishing time, makers said the expansion pack would be rebranded as “Socialist Catan” to gain a wider audience.