Actress Christina Applegate has shared painful details from her past, recounting in her new memoir how she aborted her unborn child at age 19 to protect her rising Hollywood career.
That’s a decision she described in diary entries as “killing my child” and “murder.”
In excerpts quoted from her 1991 diary in the book You With the Sad Eyes, Applegate, now 54 and known for her role on Married… With Children, expressed deep inner conflict while pregnant and preparing for the abortion.
“I always felt that if I ever got pregnant when I knew it was the wrong time, I wouldn’t have any problem having an abortion. ‘Oh, whatever, it isn’t even a baby yet.’ That’s bull—-. This creature is incredible. It makes me feel whole, safe …” she wrote.
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Her entries then shifted: “I’m fcking pregnant and I’m killing my child on Thursday. I’m thinking where the fuk can I go to recuperate from murder …”
“His family will hate me when they find out that I killed their family member because they don’t believe in it. But I can’t have this baby because I have work to do to entertain this fu*king world. Besides, I can’t … now.”
About three months pregnant in June 1991, days before the abortion, Applegate penned a poem to the child she believed was a girl:
“Hello little thing.
I feel you every moment of my day
Such a tiny existence
Such an immense effect you have
You are a miracle
A tiny-handed miracle
I love you.
But you know your fate.
It is not your time.
I know you didn’t make the decision.
But it can’t be your time.
You will live on, though …
You will live through another.
…
I hope you will forgive me.
But I want you to know how you’ve changed me.
You’ve opened my eyes.
You’re letting me know something is more important than myself.
But Mommy can’t be with you right now.
But know she loves you
More than any other miracle.
And know that when it’s your time It will be your time.”
The day before the abortion, on June 12, 1991, she wrote: “Tomorrow is the day. Yes, pain and all the other emotions are pummeling my soul.”
After the abortion ended her baby’s life on June 13, she noted: “Well, it’s over. I feel pretty okay. Just kind of woozy. That gives me no time to realize what I have done. Which is most likely the best right now.”
Applegate, who has lived with multiple sclerosis for the last five years, reflected that the diary entries seemed prescient: “It’s almost as if I could see a future in which the bill for all the guilt and unhappiness and trauma would be paid by my body.”
Pro-life advocates highlighted her account as evidence of the lasting emotional impact of abortion.
Live Action’s Bridget Sielicki stated: “Over the years, countless women – especially in the entertainment industry – have been sold the lie that the only way they can be successful is to kill their preborn children. Some have come to regret that they exchanged their own children for this lie.”
Sielicki added: “As Applegate’s experience indicates, the killing of a preborn child leaves a lasting mark on the mother, as a mother’s natural instinct is to protect and nourish her baby – not abort it.”
Applegate’s story stands in contrast to other Hollywood figures who have promoted abortion as essential to career success and celebrated their abortions, underscoring the regret and trauma some women experience after choosing abortion to prioritize professional ambitions.
