Christian Living
David French Praises Satan As ‘Most Christian Person In History’
CHICAGO, IL — Political commentator and columnist for The New York Times David French praised Satan on Monday, calling the great red dragon the most Christian person in history."Everything Satan does, for better or worse, is predicated upon…
Pope Condemns Allied Forces For Not Just Talking It Out With Nazis
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo issued a forceful condemnation of the Allied Forces resorting to violence instead of simply talking things out with the Nazis.The Pope warned that stability and peace in places like Nazi-occupied France could never occur…
7 Tips For Christian Women To Dress Modestly
It can be difficult to find modest attire when you're a Christian woman, what with all the competing expectations. Fortunately, we at the Babylon Bee are not just prophets - we're also fashion experts. Here are seven simple tips for…
Pentecostal Wins At Scrabble Again By Spelling All Words In Tongues
FALLON, NV — Local Pentecostal Christian Glenn Fuller reportedly beat all his friends at Scrabble yet again thanks to his miraculous ability to spell out all words in tongues."Grnrnrnrnr-losraaaa," Fuller said of his most decisive…
Episcopalian Once Again Gives Up Reading Bible For Lent
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local Episcopalian Myrtle Smith has once again elected to undergo an enormous sacrifice by giving up reading her Bible again this Lent.Sources say that Smith has achieved the heroic feat of denying herself the joy of reading…
Dad Fervently Prays For Daughter To Have Case Of Moderate Acne From Ages 14-23
ARVADA, CO — Local dad Craig Smith has spent the past year fervently praying that his daughter Claire will get a decent case of acne from age 14 until about 23."Please Lord, just until her frontal lobe develops," said Smith, ending his…
10 Dumbest Things Guardian Angels Have Saved People From
Humans get into a lot of trouble, which all too often is simply a product of our own stupidity. Here are the top ten dumbest things guardian angels have saved people from in all of history:Hal Wendell of Waco, TX, was rescued after being nearly…
7 Things To Say When Called On In Bible Class When You Weren’t Paying Attention
You were deeply lost in a daydream right in the middle of Bible class when - oh no! The professor is calling your name to answer a question about... something. Here are the ten best things to say if you find yourself in this terrible…
7 Simple Ways To Be A Better Christian This Year
If you're hoping to make good on your New Year's resolution to become a better Christian than you've come to the right place. The staff of The Babylon Bee has collectively read the Bible at least once, so we know a thing or two…
Small Group Waits In Hushed Anticipation As Newlyweds Prepare To Offer Marriage Advice
OLATHE, KS — A local church gathering was set to offer new insights into life that no one else had ever discovered before, as a small group waited in hushed anticipation, as newlyweds prepared to offer marriage advice to everyone else.Witnesses…