Christian Living
In Spite Of Novelty Sign, God Declines To Bless This Mess
TAMPA, FL — Heavenly sources have announced that the Almighty has declined to "Bless This Mess" in spite of the presence of a novelty sign requesting that He do so.Angelic sources explained that the Lord was really quite willing to…
Man Regrets Spending 15 Minutes Reading Bible This Morning
JACKSONVILLE, FL — Local man Trevor Riggs announced that he regretted spending 15 minutes reading the Bible this morning."Fifteen minutes is just too much time that could have been better spent doomscrolling on my phone," he said.…
Newly Arrived Boomer Tells Heavenly Sound Guy The Worship Music Is Too Loud
HEAVEN — Within moments of arriving at the Pearly Gates, local boomer Gary Whitaker located Heaven's sound booth and politely but firmly informed the angelic operator that the worship music was too loud.Witnesses said Whitaker had barely…
Dad Splits Commute Time Between Worshipping The Lord Jesus Christ And Cursing Out Bad Drivers
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Traveling to and from work followed its standard pattern this morning, as a local dad once again split his commute between worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ and cursing out bad drivers.Witnesses said Jeff West, a project…
Not Fake News: He Is Risen
He is risen indeed! Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist? Source link
Saint Peter Gently Asks Chuck Norris To Stop Roundhouse Kicking The Cherubim
HEAVEN — After several incidents over the course of his first day in paradise, Chuck Norris was pulled aside by Saint Peter and gently asked to please stop roundhouse kicking the cherubim.With vanquished cherubim strewn about the streets of…
David French Praises Satan As ‘Most Christian Person In History’
CHICAGO, IL — Political commentator and columnist for The New York Times David French praised Satan on Monday, calling the great red dragon the most Christian person in history."Everything Satan does, for better or worse, is predicated upon…
Pope Condemns Allied Forces For Not Just Talking It Out With Nazis
VATICAN CITY — Pope Leo issued a forceful condemnation of the Allied Forces resorting to violence instead of simply talking things out with the Nazis.The Pope warned that stability and peace in places like Nazi-occupied France could never occur…
7 Tips For Christian Women To Dress Modestly
It can be difficult to find modest attire when you're a Christian woman, what with all the competing expectations. Fortunately, we at the Babylon Bee are not just prophets - we're also fashion experts. Here are seven simple tips for…
Pentecostal Wins At Scrabble Again By Spelling All Words In Tongues
FALLON, NV — Local Pentecostal Christian Glenn Fuller reportedly beat all his friends at Scrabble yet again thanks to his miraculous ability to spell out all words in tongues."Grnrnrnrnr-losraaaa," Fuller said of his most decisive…