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News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report
LUBBOCK, TX — In an effort to better serve residents, one local news station added Chick-Fil-A drive-thru wait times to its morning traffic report.Each morning, Channel 9 news anchor Sandra Pearson will go through each Chick-fil-A franchise…
Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped
PHILIPPI — According to sources, the disciples at Lydia's house were shocked to see that Paul had returned from prison covered in tattoos and "totally ripped".Paul and his missionary partner Silas were arrested for allegedly…
Pro-Life Americans Will Mourn 67 Million Babies Killed in Abortions
This Saturday is the National Day of Remembrance for Aborted Children. Co-founded by three pro-life groups in 2013, it is a day on which people from coast to coast gather at the gravesites where aborted babies are buried, or alternatively, at…
8 Killed, 30 Wounded in Chicago Labor Day Shootings
Chicago’s summer ended with a violent punctuation mark. Thirty-eight people were shot over the extended Labor Day weekend — eight of them fatally — in gunfire stretching from Friday evening through early Tuesday, according to Chicago police. At…
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors
BOSTON, MA — A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent residents to serve as jury members.Sources said that the Almighty swore by Himself to relent in His…
Woman Cleric Steals, Trashes Conservative Candidate’s Campaign Signs. Husband Nearly Arrested.
Stephen Acorn is a write-in, independent candidate for the Georgia House of Representatives who burbles the usual GOP platitudes about the usual issues. Yet a kooky retired Methodist “minister” apparently thought Acorn was a menace to the public…
Blakeman Internal Poll Shows Hochul Lead at 4 Points
Could New York go red? Bruce Blakeman’s campaign says New York’s governor’s race is much tighter than many expected. A new McLaughlin & Associates poll conducted for the Republican challenger shows Gov. Kathy Hochul leading Blakeman 49.6% to…
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort
ROME, GA — After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a mediocre effort.Simpson arrived at his desk recharged from a three-day weekend filled with…
AI Data-center Boom Sends Land Prices Soaring
The cost of America’s artificial intelligence boom is increasingly showing up in Americans’ bills, land values, and housing prices.Data centers are already pushing up electricity demand and straining water supplies. Now, their rapid expansion is…
Virginia Amendment 1 Creates Right to Abortion Up to Birth
Virginia voters will decide in November on a constitutional amendment that would establish a so-called right to abortion up to birth. Ballot Question 1 asks whether the Constitution of Virginia should be amended to supposedly protect the freedom…