Lifestyle
Wife Can’t Wait To Get Out There And Be Horrible At Gardening Again
BOISE, ID — With spring in full swing, one local woman expressed excitement at the chance to finally get back outside and be horrible at gardening again.Throughout the long winter months, Lisa Harper had grown impatient that she was unable to go…
Uncultured Philistine Declines To Have Ice Cream Served In Waffle Cone
TUCSON, AZ — Local man Dale Swanson declined to have his double scoops of mint chocolate chip and strawberry ice cream served in a delicious waffle cone, instead opting to have it in a blasphemous paper cup instead."I don't believe in…
Kids Excited To Learn Of Cool Alternative To Vaping Called ‘Smoking Cigarettes’
U.S. — Teenagers across the nation are discovering a hip new alternative to vaping, called "smoking cigarettes."Thousands of youngsters are beginning to ditch their vape pens for packs of Marlboro, attracted by the more sophisticated…
Taco Bell Releases Exciting New Way To Put Its Four Ingredients Together
U.S. — In what food scientists are calling "a breakthrough in modern cuisine," Taco Bell has unveiled an incredible new way to arrange of its four ingredients.The new menu item, reportedly to be called the "QuesaChalupa Crunchwrap…
Life Hack: To Save Money On Gas, Buy A Car With Two Steamroller Wheels Made Out Of Stone And Push It With Your Feet
UNITED STATES — Do you feel like you are playing life on hard mode now that gas is $5 a gallon on average across the nation? Experts are now recommending you to try this one simple life hack: go buy one of those cars with two steamroller wheels…
Cyclists Shocked, Dismayed To Learn Vehicles Also Allowed To Use Roads
U.S. — Few things can perturb bicyclists, the carefree pedalers who move only slightly faster than a human can run, except for one thing: something getting in the way of their bicycling. That's why they've expressed shock and dismay to…
Older Woman Gets Botox So She Can Look Like An Older Woman Who Got Botox
REDWOOD CITY, CA — Older woman Laura Middleson reportedly went to her local wellness spa and had the clinician there inject her with Botox so she could look like an older woman who had been injected with Botox."I want to look like someone…
Here’s What Each Of The 73 Letters In Canada’s New LGBT Acronym Stands For
If you haven't heard, Canada has officially dropped a new acronym for the LGBT movement with many, many new additions. The LGBT community in Canada is now:MMBJOUQTJLAYAWD40ROOMDCF+SVPWIZ¯\_(ツ)_/¯BFJTWLEGOBLT£LADBOSUBDDBLAGF+>:-(It's…
Next-Door Neighbor Either Doing Very Well Financially Or In Massive Amounts Of Debt
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Tony Flanders noted that, by the looks of it, his next-door neighbor was either very, very wealthy or in massive amounts of debt."I don't know how they're doing it," Flanders remarked to his…
ZipRecruiter Ad Interrupted By Brief Word From Podcast
LOS ANGELES, CA — Local woman Vanessa Miller reported feeling annoyed Thursday morning when her favorite weekly ZipRecruiter ad was interrupted by three minutes of podcast content.Miller, who was comfortably settling into her forty-fifth minute…