Science
8 Shocking Things Artemis II Found On The Far Side Of The Moon
The dark side of the moon has long been the subject of myth and speculation. What mysteries lie beyond the known lunar surface in that dark realm beyond our telescopes?Now, The Babylon Bee can reveal what the crew of the Artemis II mission…
As Astronauts Reach the Farthest Any Human Has Been From Earth, Mission Specialist Pretty Sure He Left the Oven On
SPACE — On Monday, the Artemis II crew set a new record for the farthest away from Earth humans have ever gone. And as mission specialist Jeremy Hansen stared at the far side of the moon, with the Earth a distant crescent, one thought crossed…
‘Look Out!’ Shouts Female Astronaut As Orion Gets Within 5,000 Miles Of Moon
SPACE — Astronaut Christina Koch reportedly played a pivotal role in the success of NASA's Artemis II lunar mission on Monday when she helpfully screamed in the pilot's ear as they were just 5,000 miles shy of colliding with the lunar…
Canadian Astronaut Humanely Euthanized After Suffering Light Bruise During Takeoff
SPACE — In accordance with Canadian law, the crew of NASA's Artemis II mission successfully euthanized Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen after discovering he'd suffered a light bruise during takeoff.Artemis II is NASA's first…
Elon Musk Launches Emergency Rescue Plumber To Repair Artemis’ Toilet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue plumber into space late Wednesday night to repair the broken toilet on the Artemis II spacecraft.Following news that the crew of…
Scientists Invent Revolutionary Kids’ Bike That Uses Pedals Instead Of Electric Power
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology reportedly developed an innovative new children's bike that uses pedals instead of electricity for power."Keeping your bike charged can be so frustrating. We knew…
Man Goes Back In Time To Mesmerize Ancients With Futuristic Technology Of Gushers
EGYPT — Newly unearthed records appear to indicate a man claiming to be from the future traveled to ancient Memphis to wow the early Egyptians with the futuristic technology of Gushers.Gushers, a candy with a gummy outer shell and a juicy,…
Blind Taste Test Finds 9 Out Of 10 Men Prefer Taste Of Water From Garden Hose
CAMBRIDGE, MA — A peer-reviewed paper published by Harvard scientists revealed that, in a blind taste test, 9 out of 10 men prefer the taste of water from a garden hose."This is a major breakthrough," Dr. Mitchell Orden said. "Now…
Progressive Researchers Claim They Are 15-20 Years From Finding Out What A Woman Is
U.S. — Progressive researchers working with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU ) said they were only a mere 15-20 years away from finding out what a woman is."We're very close," said Dr. Nina Rangleford, a medical doctor and…
Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Tribe In Remote Area Of IKEA
COSTA MESA, CA — A team of anthropologists hard at work completing a field study announced that they had discovered a previously uncontacted native tribe in a remote area of IKEA.The small village looked to have been tucked away in an unexplored…