I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps. (Jeremiah 10:23 ESV)
How did I get here? At what point did I determine I knew better than God how to run my life?
They say that stress is a silent killer. But it is also a loud bullhorn that should be heeded. We think we’re just being responsible — perhaps multitasking better than anyone else. Or we’re simply over achievers who are determined to do everything on our weekly list in a single day.
I recently had to admit how much stress I had taken on when I began to lose both my sleep and my hair. Determined it was simply a lack of certain supplements, I upgraded my daily regimen – with little to no effect. Though I considered the possibility that I was operating beyond my limits, I figured I just needed more mineral fuel to get things done.
To my shame, this actually went on for weeks. Adjusting my routines and trading one treatment plan for another, I hoped for better results. But it never really dealt with the core issues. I was simply putting off the inevitable self-examination by trying to distract myself and stay busy. And the stress continued to build, more sleep was lost, and peace of mind became a distant memory.
Thankfully, I have a Mediator who was watching and decided it was time to intervene. In His infinite wisdom, He knew I was only spinning my wheels and going nowhere, except downhill. One night, He gave me a warning dream showing me the dangerous trajectory I was on. I woke up in the fear of the Lord. That did it.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:7-8)
Take Heed
The first thing I thought of when waking up from the dream was the sin of Saul — the king who had been anointed and appointed by God, but who eventually determined he could do God’s will his own way (1 Samuel 15). Perhaps he was so used to God’s favor that he believed he was exempt from total obedience. Perhaps he thought God would give him props for being so creative in adjusting the instructions he’d been given in order to make the people happy. Wasn’t he just being a responsible leader in improving on God’s plan? In the end, his presumption cost him his legacy. In God’s eyes, it wasn’t Saul’s ingenuity that mattered, but his submission.
Here’s the thing. If we would actually pay attention, there are usually warning signs that alert us to the dangers of trying to control our own narrative. For me, it was my body beginning to shut down. But instead of taking note, I determined it was merely the cost of the call. You know, like the Apostle Paul who “buffets his body” for the sake of Christ (1 Corinthians 9:27)!?
Wow. Did I ever get that wrong.
Stress often manifests as anxiety, worry, and even depression. It saps us of energy and erodes our clarity of mind and spirit. But at the core, stress is the result of our inability to stop and let things go. Lay things down. Hand over control. Secretly afraid that we’ll let God down, let others down, or appear irresponsible, we keep pressing on, determined to prove to ourselves and everyone else that we’re capable, responsible, even creative. Not wanting to admit defeat, we convince ourselves that we are simply doing God’s work (and feeling every bit the martyr in the process).
Just Stop
The day after my wake-up call, I finally saw the light. And it wasn’t any huge issue in my life or gross sin to deal with. It was actually an accumulation of little things. Daily decisions made on my own; little choices along the way that were void of the Spirit’s direction. Presuming to know what God wanted, I had put myself on automatic pilot. No need to always check my bearings — I’ll get where I need to go. Now I realized I was out of fuel, running on fumes, and about to crash. As soon as reality hit me, I was ready to land. Even if it meant the possibility of being grounded.
As I began to process all of this with the Lord, I was struck by how far I had removed His presence from my decision-making process. Though I had been consistent in my morning time with Him, slowly but surely I had relegated Him to the corner of my heart instead of the center. Sure He was still there, but more an observer than a Director. I was truly grieved by how easily I had “taken the wheel.”
The transaction was actually quite simple. In that moment of revelation there was an immediate heart change. I saw how unqualified I was to run my life. I gladly laid it all down and gave back the reins. Regardless of how things looked from that point on, I didn’t care. It was no longer about proving I could accomplish something great, but simply following the One who is. In that simple turn of heart and conscious decision of surrender, an instantaneous peace permeated my whole being. I could finally breathe. Let go. Relax. And even smile.
The truth is, surrender actually empowers us. In letting go of our need to control things, faith is activated and Grace takes over. There is peace in giving up any claim to call the shots. There is absolution in submission, and a mysterious rest that comes when we stop trying so hard.
Don’t wait until you’re running on fumes. Don’t keep losing sleep, your hair, or your peace of mind. Whatever your call is, it will only succeed if you let Him direct your steps — on His terms. He may take longer than you like and may even take detours every once in a while. Truth is, His goal isn’t necessarily getting you somewhere. His goal is simply walking with you every step of the way.
Wanda Alger is an ordained and commissioned fivefold leader who has been in ministry for more than 35 years and is passionate about interpreting life from Heaven’s perspective. She is called to speak to the Body of Christ about the mountain of government, godly leadership, and Kingdom authority. Her blogs, videos, books, and other resources are available at wandaalger.me.
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