DUBUQUE, IA — Employees at Midwest Windows Inc. were reportedly uncomfortable to learn that Frank from accounting was mentioned in the Epstein files for some reason.
“That’s… random,” said Debbie from marketing. “I never would have guessed he ran in those kinds of circles. The weird, gross ones, I mean.”
Frank reportedly denied ever knowing Jeffrey Epstein and said it must be some other Frank Buttermilk of Dubuque, IA, who allegedly did the infamous billionaire criminal’s taxes.
“So, like, what did you see there?” Aiden Matthews, the sleazy guy down in the mailroom, asked Frank after the latest Epstein file drop indicated that the registered CPA had not only done some tax work for Epstein but had traveled to the island. “Is Bill Clinton as cool as he seems?”
“He was fine. Always playing that sax and — uh, I mean, I’m just guessing. I wasn’t there.” Frank said. “That’s what I meant to say.”
Since the news broke, employees petitioned company management to have Frank fired, but until charges are formally filed by the DOJ, their hands are tied. “We can’t fire someone for suspicion of being a satanic pedophile. He could sue us,” Accounting Director Harry Flax explained. “Plus, he’s the best darn accountant we have. He really keeps those numbers down. Must be why those deep state human traffickers love him so much.”
At publishing time, Frank from accounting had asked Bill Gates to please stop calling the office and asking to talk to him because it was making him look bad.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
