NEW YORK CITY, NY — In his first official act as mayor-elect, Zohran Mamdani moved the mayor’s office under a children’s hospital.
The mayor’s office had been located at New York City Hall since 1812, but Mamdani was determined to relocate it when he learned it wasn’t strategically positioned behind human shields. “This place doesn’t meet our needs for a headquarters,” he said, seemingly unaware that it was not American practice to line the walls with sick children.
Voters were reportedly shocked to learn Mamdani had moved his office beneath a children’s hospital, but were assured this was “perfectly normal” and “nothing to worry about.”
“This is standard procedure,” Mamdani said, visibly surprised by everyone’s concern. “You always put your hideout underneath a place where no one would dare attack. It’s a brilliant strategy that has been proven to be effective.”
Mamdani is originally from Uganda, where a foreign terrorist organization known as the Allied Democratic Forces (ADF) operates. They avoid detection by blending into the community, a strategy Mamdani said has served him well in life. “Children are my future,” he said, detailing his strategy. “As long as I’m surrounded by children, no one can touch me.”
“The sicker the better,” he added with a wink. “People feel too sorry for them to cause any trouble.”
At publishing time, Zohran Mamdani replaced his security detail with small handicapped children.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a “peaceful” dinner?
