Millions Of Christian Extremists Gather To Pray For Those Who Want To Kill Them

U.S. — Reports from across the country reveal millions of Christian extremists gathered in groups this morning to pray for the people who want to kill them.

Though they shed tears of grief for the dead, the extremists collectively reaffirmed their belief in the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting.

“Yes, we are grieved and sorrowful, and for all those hurting deeply, we pray to the Lord,” said local man Greg Thompson. “And for those who have hurt us and celebrate our grief, we also pray to the Lord. We have seen the most heinous form of hate, that which will take a life. We have also experienced the greatest form of love, that which will lay down its own life, pure and spotless. At the cross — where again, hatred took a life — love proved stronger than hate. Love proved stronger than death. And so, suffering as we are, we strive to follow the example of Christ. Forgive them, Father. Bring them to your Kingdom.”

At publishing time, the Christian extremists had announced plans to do the very same thing again next Sunday.