NEW YORK CITY, NY — The elderly Jewish community is reportedly at a crossroads this Election Day, torn between a man who would kill them for being Jewish and a man who would kill them for being elderly.
“Mamdani wants me dead for being Jewish,” said Estelle Goldberg, a rabbi’s wife. “But Cuomo would shove me in a nursing home infected with COVID and refuse to admit me to the hospital.”
“It’s a tough choice.”
According to sources, the elderly Jewish community is very concerned about the results of this mayoral election, but doesn’t see a way out of it. “It’s like that movie, Alien vs. Predator,” said Ezekiel Cramstein, a retired baker and resident of Lonely Souls Nursing Home. “Whoever wins, we lose.”
Curtis Sliwa, the Republican mayoral candidate, has attempted to remind everyone he is still on the ballot. However, his plea appears to have fallen on deaf ears because the Jewish elderly community is 90% deaf.
At publishing time, in his final campaign speech, Zohran Mamdani offered Jews a swift and painless death if they voted for him.
What happens when a politically divided family sit down for a “peaceful” dinner?
