9 Signs ‘Lord of the Rings’ Is Clearly A Pagan Work

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While some loons have desperately tried to read Christian themes and symbolism into The Lord of the Rings, the fact is that Tolkien’s masterpiece is clearly a pagan work. How do we know? Here are nine obvious signs:

1. Gandalf dies and gets resurrected, just like the Egyptian deity Osiris: Pagan through and through.

2. Has a holiday like Christmas in it, which is also pagan: The Fellowship even departs Rivendell on the day that “Santa Claus” comes.

3. The music in the movies is not by Casting Crowns: Christianity could not be more absent.

4. There is no allegory pointing to Aslan: At no point are we ever directed back to the great lion.

5. If you rearrange the word Gandalf, add some letters, and delete some letters, it spells “THIS IS A PAGAN WORK”: It’s just staring us in the face.

6. There is repeated use of alcohol and tobacco products: Pipeweed? Come on, Tolkien.

7. The characters never once attend Wednesday night Bible study: How does anyone call this Christian?

8. No direct-to-camera profession of faith in Jesus: Not one single time!

9. Kevin Sorbo does not play an atheist who gets hit by a bus and then converts to Christianity at the end: Case closed.

Break out this list the next time some nut tries telling you that The Lord of the Rings has Christian elements in it.

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