‘Oh Lord, Bless This Food To My Body,’ Says Man Eating 6 Kinds Of Leftover Pie For Breakfast

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Local man Dan Flannigan prayed this morning for the Lord to bless to the nourishment of his body the six kinds of leftover pie he would be consuming for breakfast.

Flannigan beseeched God to bless a pecan pie, pumpkin pie, apple pie, key lime pie, cherry pie, and chocolate meringue pie, all of which he would be eating to kick off his day.

“As I give my body to thy service, Lord, so bless these pies,” prayed Flannigan. “Thank you for all these good gifts that come from thy bounty of condensed milk and sugar. May these pies strengthen me to do Your will. Amen.”

According to witnesses, Flannigan then proceeded to shovel approximately 12,000 calories of pie into his mouth in just under thirty minutes. “Dan really put the pie in ‘pie hole’,” said friend Samuel Denton. “The mixture of pies, all sloshed together on one plate, was really a sight to behold. I don’t know how that many pies can bless a body, but the Lord works miracles.”

At publishing time, Heavenly sources confirmed that the Lord had rejected Flannigan’s lunchtime request to bless the marshmallow salad.