Exclusive Sneak Peek At Next Year’s AmFest Lineup

The curtain had not yet fallen on Turning Point USA’s AmFest 2025 before rumors swirled about how they were going to top it next year. How do you follow up such a wild show?

The Babylon Bee has obtained the following exclusive sneak peek at the speaker lineup for next year’s TPUSA AmFest:

1. Nickelback: The world’s greatest rock band belongs at the world’s greatest conservative conference.

2. Nick Fuentes’s less-Nazi brother, Steve Fuentes: He still says really, really awful stuff. Just slightly less-Nazi.

3. The Radio City Rockettes: Apparently, they’re conservative now. That means they’re in.

4. An actual cat turd: The crowd is going to go wild.

5. Vlad the Impaler: You may not agree with everything he does, but it’s important to hear him out.

6. A professional athlete who vaguely pointed up to the sky after scoring: If they’re famous and do something even remotely Christian, you know they’ll be there.

7. A hot chick who said something vaguely conservative one time: She’s the next right-wing superstar!

8. Cookie Monster: His views on Israel-Palestine may be divisive, but he’s still popular.

9. A dozen caged screaming howler monkeys: Should improve on the level of civil discourse we’re used to seeing.

10. A black to be named later: Who will it be next year?

Looks like it’s already shaping up to be quite a show. Who else belongs on the AmFest stage next year? Throw your suggestions in the comments below.