Celebs
‘I Am Your Father,’ Reveals Trump To Horrified Mark Hamill
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald Trump called an impromptu press conference in front of the White House this week to deliver a life-changing message to actor Mark Hamill, revealing that he was, in reality, the actor's father.The actor was…
Here Is Everything You Need To Know About The Blake Lively-Justin Baldoni Case
The internet has been abuzz once again about the dueling claims and court cases between actress Blake Lively and actor Justin Baldoni. With so much contradictory information, it's hard to know what's real or where to begin. Here,…
Hobo With Garbage Can Stuck On His Head Mistaken For Met Gala Attendee
NEW YORK, NY — The fashion world was in turmoil this morning after it was revealed that a hobo with a garbage can stuck on his head who wandered onto the red carpet was mistaken for a Met Gala attendee.Hollywood A-listers and industry experts…
Tucker Carlson Denies Ever Hearing Of This Tucker Carlson Fellow
U.S. — In an explosive interview conducted by The New York Times, media personality Tucker Carlson denied ever hearing of this Tucker Carlson fellow."I don't even know who that is!" Carlson said after being asked about some…
Tiger Woods Awarded Honorary California CDL
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL — What had been a difficult week for Tiger Woods took a positive turn on Tuesday, as the pro golf legend was awarded an honorary California commercial driver's license.California officials awarded Woods the CDL after…
Black Half Of Tiger Woods Tased By Cops After Asian Half Crashes Car
JUPITER, FL — The black half of professional golfer Tiger Woods was tased by police at the scene where the Asian half of Tiger Woods had wrecked his car.Woods' Asian half had just managed to roll his vehicle on its side while driving in a…
Trump Releases Line Of Sympathy Cards
U.S. — Separate from his work as the nation's commander in chief, President Donald Trump announced that he was releasing a line of specialty sympathy cards he had written himself.Following his pointed statement about the passing of former…
‘Fear Not!’ Says Chuck Norris To Calm Trembling Angels
HEAVEN — A group of seraphim guarding the gates of Heaven was terrified yesterday by the sudden appearance of legendary martial artist and action star Chuck Norris, who passed into glory at the earthly age of 86."Fear not!" Norris…
‘The Injuns Are A-Comin!’ Cries Billie Eilish Loading Musket To Defend Home From Tribe Of Redskins
LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, American singer-songwriter Billie Eilish successfully defended her land from members of the Tonga Tribe, an indigenous people native to the LA basin, who claim her home is built on their land."The…
Peter Dinklage Receives Little Praise After Taking Short Time To Recite Small Poem
NEW YORK, NY — Actor Peter Dinklage was reportedly a wee bit annoyed and expressed slight disappointment that he received little praise from the general public after taking a short time to recite a small poem at an anti-ICE protest over the…