Man Still Doesn’t Quite Trust Anything Without Official Nintendo Seal Of Quality

RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — According to sources, local man Mark Hunter still doesn’t quite trust any product that lacks the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality.

“Every time I go shopping, I feel like I’m rolling the dice,” Hunter said. “There’s no way to tell if anything I buy was made under the same rigorous standards of excellence only Nintendo is known for.”

Hunter claimed he no longer buys any product unless it bears the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality, which makes shopping for basic necessities like food and clothing very difficult.

“Nintendo has a perfect track record, I trust them implicitly,” Hunter reportedly told a grocery store clerk one day. “How am I supposed to know if your products are any good? I trust Superman 64 more than I trust this — whatever it is.”

“Sir, those are paper towels,” the clerk replied.

The Official Nintendo Seal of Quality is printed on officially licensed Nintendo products, assuring customers that the video game publisher has approved and guaranteed the quality of the product. It serves as an undeniable guarantee that the item has passed the rigorous quality testing of Nintendo and is safe for consumers.

Hunter’s wife says it makes shopping with him impossible. “I had to do all the Christmas shopping. He wouldn’t buy anything unless it was a Nintendo Switch 2, but they’re all sold out,” Jana Hunter confided in a close friend who leaked this story to reporters. “I said he’d have to get over it, and you wouldn’t believe what he said to me. He said it was no wonder I didn’t have my own Official Nintendo Seal of Quality.”

At publishing time, Mark Hunter confronted his wife after he discovered she was stamping all his Christmas gifts with a counterfeit Official Nintendo Seal of Quality.