life
Relationship Experts Say Engagement Ring Should Cost At Least Two Tanks Of Gas
LOS ANGELES, CA — New data from relationship experts says an engagement ring should cost at least two full tanks of gas, information that many believe will make it difficult for young couples to find something in their budgets."A good…
Smoke Alarm Patiently Waits Until 3 A.M. To Announce Low Battery
MACON, GA — A smoke alarm living in the house of a local family waited patiently until all the home's occupants went to sleep to start beeping loudly sometime around 3 A.M. to announce that its battery was low."It's my duty as a…
Rep. Brandon Gill’s Bluntness Exposes the Barbarians of Abortion
It seems that even for zealots of the evil, advocating for access to abortion is easier than talking about abortion itself. Testifying on Tuesday before the House Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution and Limited Government, Professor…
Should Colleges Be Forced to Push Abortion Pills on Campus? Colorado Lawmakers Say Yes
Colorado is once again attempting to establish itself as one of the most progressive states in the nation on abortion policy. A new bill would require most colleges and universities to provide access to abortion pills through student health…
Two Bros Caught In Infinite Loop After Greeting, ‘I’m Good, Man, How Are You?’
CHINO, CA — A casual greeting between two local men quickly turned disastrous, ensnaring them in an infinite loop of saying, "I'm good, man, how are you?"According to witnesses, Raymond Sheffield greeted longtime "bro"…
Nation Really Wishing Someone Out There Would Start A New Podcast
U.S. — A recent survey showed that an overwhelming number of Americans spend their days desperately wishing someone out there would start a new podcast.The survey questioned over a million Americans and showed that the vast majority of them are…
Sweet: Free Couch | Babylon Bee
Whoa, man. Check it out: That's a free couch sitting on the side of the road there. Not a chair. Not a love seat. A whole friggin' couch.Couches cost so much these days, this is like finding $2,000 sitting in an envelope on the side of…
39-Year Old Man Considering Career Change To Astronaut
LOS ANGELES, CA — Sources disclosed that a 39-year-old man named Jordan Benson was reportedly considering a career change to become an astronaut after seeing that mankind is going back to the moon and possibly even Mars.Benson's newly…
Health Hack: Secret To Having Energy In 40s Revealed To Be High-Grade Cocaine
Are you entering middle age and finding that you just don't have the energy you used to? Do you wish you could regain your youthful vigor, but haven't found anything that works?Well, wish no longer! There's a foolproof health hack…