WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the new food pyramid released Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Democrats have released an alternative food pentagram.
The pentagram breaks down the recommended diet into five primary food groups, advising Americans to eat an equal share of seed oils, vaccinations, insects, soy milk, and Somali food.
“The food pentagram brings back all the science RFK took out, and so much more,” explained food pentagram architect Representative Maxine Dexter. “Unlike the uneven pyramid, we chose the perfect balance of the pentagram. No more trying to figure out how much to eat of which food. Every meal consists of exactly the same amount of all five food groups. It’s the perfect balance of mRNA, oil, grasshoppers, soy, and Somali food. Delicious!”
Democrats have unveiled several example meals to help give Americans an idea of what the ideal diet looks like. “For a complete breakfast, enjoy a nice cup of soy milk, a bowl of crickets, and a Covid booster,” explained Dexter. “For lunch, it’s bariis ishkukaris, a glass of canola oil, and dung beetles. Round off your day with more soy milk, cambuulo, and for a special treat, a hepatitis vaccine.”
At publishing time, Satanists had distanced themselves from the food pentagram.
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