WASHINGTON, D.C. — As lawmakers and other notable figures gathered once again for the annual solemn occasion to petition the Almighty God on behalf of the country, politicians were reportedly hoping that the National Prayer Breakfast would wrap up in time for them to make it to the scheduled Coke Orgy Lunch.
Republicans and Democrats alike expressed eagerness to attend the annual event in the nation’s capital to publicly pray for the United States, but inside sources confirmed that multiple members of Congress had to double-check with their respective staffs to make sure that the prayer breakfast would not prevent them from making it to the weekly cocaine orgy lunch.
“Really don’t want to miss that one,” one congressman was overheard saying to his secretary. “I heard Swalwell’s bringing in some Chinese broads to keep us company this year. I’m happy to do the prayer breakfast thing, just as long as it’s over early enough for us to swing by and grab our blow on the way to the lunch orgy. It’s as high-priority as an appointment gets.”
Despite the potential scheduling conflict, legislators were glad to publicly display their virtue and faith before heading off to wallow in their regularly scheduled debauchery. “It’s good to have a balance,” one senator said on the condition of anonymity. “Some prayer in the morning over bacon and eggs, and then it’s off to our other meeting to do what we all came to Washington to do in the first place. Cocaine orgies.”
At publishing time, some members of Congress asked their staffers to find out if the bi-monthly Pagan Blood Ritual Dinner was scheduled for tonight.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
