PARIS — French President Emmanuel Macron explained today that the French Army simply could not help open the Strait of Hormuz as all fifteen of its soldiers have already been deployed to defend Greenland.
Though expressing their sincere desire to help, Macron stated that France simply did not have the military resources to help open the Strait while maintaining its protection of Greenland.
“All of our France’s military might, specifically the one unit we have with fifteen soldiers, is already deployed,” said Macron. “They cannot be relocated as they are bravely defending the shored of Greenland. Specifically, the one shore that’s about fifty yards wide, the one next to ‘Uncle Yert’s Fish And Crabs’. You know the place. Anyhow, really wish we could help.”
Macron did offer President Trump his apologies, stating that France genuinely wished they had the resources. “If only we had more soldiers. We did have a sixteenth soldier, but he suffered a devastating baguette injury and will be out of commission for several months,” said Macron. “Thus, France cannot contribute to this just cause. Je suis désolé, mon amour!”
At publishing time, the French army had been reduced to fourteen soldiers after a horrifying escargot accident.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
