With the tug-of-war over funding for the Department of Homeland Security leaving the Transportation Security Administration short on agents, getting through airport security is an even bigger nightmare than before.
To help weary travelers, The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of tips to help you get through TSA faster:
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Arrive at least one week early for your flight: Just to be safe.
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Naruto run through the line: No one will be able to stop you. It’s science.
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Bring a car horn and honk at everyone ahead of you who is moving too slowly: This one works when you’re at the DMV, too.
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Show up to the airport naked: A massive time-saver that makes any pat-downs unnecessary.
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Declare all knives, firearms, and giant anime swords before you get to the scanner: This way, everyone will be far less alarmed.
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Ask people ahead of you if you can cut in line because you have a plane to catch: If they’re decent, courteous people, they’ll let you through.
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Just tell security that you’re just carrying an emotional support box cutter: They’re not allowed to discriminate against you.
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Build a time machine and go back to the 1990s: There were literally no rules back then.
Follow the list above, and you’ll only have to wait six hours before you make it to your gate. What are your tips for getting through TSA more smoothly? Post them in the comments.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
