U.S.
Trump Repairs The Crack In The Liberty Bell
PHILADELPHIA, PA — President Donald Trump proudly announced on Friday that he had repaired the crack on the Liberty Bell, outraging millions of Americans.Ahead of America's 250th anniversary, Trump set his mind to restoring America to its…
John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
SAN DIEGO, CA — According to breaking news reports, John Bolton agreed to plead guilty to one count of illegally retaining classified national security information in exchange for only serving five years confined to a walrus exhibit at Sea…
State Where P-51 Mustang Was Built In 102 Days Now Taking 4 Years To Build Bridge For Butterflies
AGOURA HILLS, CA — Officials working on new construction in California were surprised to learn that their own state, which was struggling to build a bridge for butterflies over the course of four years at a cost of over $100 million, had…
California Passes Law Making It A Crime To Report A Crime
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a decisive move toward preventing any citizen journalists from uncovering massive fraud and corruption in the state moving forward, California officially passed a law making it a crime to report a crime.Following the…
Tragedy: Multiple Trump Assassins Accidentally Shoot Each Other
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tragedy unfolded in the nation's capital again today, as multiple assassins attempting to kill President Donald Trump accidentally shot each other.A pair of would-be killers suffered gunshot wounds after they both opened…
Media To Just Start Reporting When Trump Wasn’t Shot At
U.S. — After yet another failed assassination attempt against President Trump yesterday, the national media has agreed to just start reporting when Trump wasn't shot at.Journalists have become fatigued with repeatedly reporting the same…
Tulsi Gabbard Forced To Resign After Trump Discovers She’s Not Blonde
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard was forced to resign on Friday after President Donald Trump discovered that she's not blonde.Trump reportedly gave Gabbard the option of bleaching her hair instead of…
Zillow Adds New Feature For California Homes Showing Whether They Are Currently On Fire
LOS ANGELES, CA — Popular house-purchasing platform Zillow added a new feature this week that helpfully informs users of which houses in Southern California are currently on fire.Zillow unveiled the new feature in what they said was an effort to…
Generation That Put Nation $39 Trillion In Debt Condemns Gen Z For Spending Irresponsibly
U.S. — Members of the generation that oversaw putting America $39 trillion in debt gathered in solidarity this week to lecture Gen Z about its reckless financial habits.Boomers and Gen X Americans scoffed at new college graduates who imprudently…
White Smoke Rises From Los Angeles, Signaling Karen Bass Is Still Mayor
LOS ANGELES, CA — White smoke was once again seen rising from the city of Los Angeles, signaling that Karen Bass was still mayor.Wildfires continued to engulf surrounding areas, forcing evacuations of several Los Angeles neighborhoods, with the…