LA PLATA, MD — The alleged perpetrator of a violent crime publicly voiced his innocence in what he said was a case of mistaken identity, as a quadruple amputee cornhole champion claimed it was a different quadruple amputee cornhole champion who shot that guy.
Dayton Weber, arrested and charged in the fatal shooting of a man in a reported escalation of an argument, said that authorities were suspecting him — a professional cornhole player with no arms or legs — when the crime was committed by an entirely different professional cornhole player with no arms or legs.
“You’ve got the wrong guy,” Weber said in a statement released to the press. “I know this looks really bad, but it’s simply a case of mistaken identity here. I’m not happy about it, but I can totally understand where the police could think I’m the quadruple amputee cornhole champion who shot that guy. But it was definitely a totally different quadruple amputee cornhole champion who committed this horrible crime. It’s an easy mistake. I get it. But it wasn’t me.”
Police remained certain that Weber was their man. “It’s a surprisingly small pool of suspects who match the description,” said Charles County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Diane Richardson. “Once we had a description of the suspect, we went to work on narrowing it down, and, as it turns out, there’s only one quadruple amputee cornhole champion. We remain open to considering other possibilities, but we believe Mr. Weber is the quadruple amputee corhole champion we’re looking for.”
At publishing time, authorities were still working to identify other armed men with no arms.
Do you think you can guess which one is the terrorist?
