WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a persuasive argument in favor of maintaining birthright citizenship, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson ate an entire stick of glue.
The government counsel paused his oral arguments to watch in morbid fascination as Jackson steadily devoured the purple glue stick.
“Yumm… chomp. Nom-nom,” Jackson could be heard saying as she swallowed another glob of glue. “Gulp. Munch munch. Mmm…”
“I… I don’t even know how to respond,” said Solicitor General John Sauer.
Witnesses reported that Justice Jackson’s powerful argument rendered the government litigation team utterly speechless. “They had no comeback. She took the wind right out their sails,” said onlooker Jamie Fenster. “When she threw down that last bit of glue stick, you could just feel that birthright citizenship was here to stay.”
At publishing time, the court bailiff had gently asked Justice Jackson to please stop trying to eat the gavel.
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