WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump unveiled plans on Thursday for the construction of a massive Triumphal Double Golden Arch in the nation’s capital.
The two arches were slated to be a yellow-gold color, representing the riches of capitalism and the delicious triumph of the free market.
“I came up with the design myself,” said Trump, showing off the first rendering. “People thought I couldn’t do architecture, but they were wrong. It’s going to be so iconic, these double arches, made of pure gold, did you hear that? It feels somehow familiar, but exciting. Everyone’s going to love it, even kids, they’re going to go wild for it.”
According to the White House, Trump proposed including several features at the base of the arches, including a restaurant and a play area for kids. “We’re thinking an all-American menu, like hamburgers, fries, and ice cream,” said project lead Greg Bennington. “The president has been adamant that kids also feel welcome, so we’re setting up an area with slides and monkey bars, a sort of play place. It’s going to be an incredible addition to the National Mall.”
At publishing time, President Trump had announced that the Triumphal Double Golden Arch would have a mascot, perhaps with a name that rhymes with “Donald.”
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