In Spite Of Novelty Sign, God Declines To Bless This Mess

TAMPA, FL — Heavenly sources have announced that the Almighty has declined to “Bless This Mess” in spite of the presence of a novelty sign requesting that He do so.

Angelic sources explained that the Lord was really quite willing to bless the Hansen family, but that the farmhouse chic sign from Hobby Lobby could not really serve as a sort of standing order for God.

“The Almighty is not, in fact, legally bound to bless your pile of scattered laundry simply because you slapped a sign on the wall,” explained a Heavenly ambassador. “While a very nice sign, it does not replace prayer, repentance, or basic cleaning. Frankly, Mrs. Hansen created most of this mess herself and needs to get her life together.”

The Hansen family, though disappointed in the decision, accepted the decision of the Lord. “Alright, so maybe we don’t ‘Live, Laugh, Love,” admitted Jordan Hansen. “While I wish the Lord would automatically bless the Cheeto dust that I accidentally ground into the carpet with my shoes, I get it. The sign still has a good vibe though, right?”

At publishing time, Heavenly sources had disputed a claim by then Hansen’s neighbor that she was “blessed and highly favored.”