Study Determines Reason Kids Failing At Math Is Because They No Longer Play ‘Math Blaster’

U.S. — The results of a groundbreaking new study appear to show that the reason today’s children routinely struggle with mathematics is because they no longer play computer games from the bestselling Math Blaster! franchise.

“Children are struggling with basic arithmetic largely because, as a society, we have moved beyond Math Blaster!,” said Dr. Michael Prime, professor of mathematics at the California State University of San Bernardino. “When I see a student struggling in my class I always sit them down and ask them about Math Blaster! and, more often than not, they’ve never even heard of it.”

First released in 1983, Math Blaster! quickly grew in popularity, spawning several sequels. Among its most popular entries are 1993’s Math Blaster Episode I: In Search of Spot and its 1994 sequel Math Blaster Episode II: Secret of the Lost City. However, as computers grew in complexity, the series was eventually left behind.

“Kids no longer know the joy of solving repetitive math problems to find a robot named Spot,” lamented Dr. Samuel Wong, a computer scientist. “We are letting future generations down.”

According to the study, children who played through at least one iteration of Math Blaster! prior to an exam performed better than approximately 90% of their peers. These results lead experts to suggest the key to improving nationwide math scores is government funding for a new Math Blaster! title.

At publishing time, Trump announced a Math Blaster!: Trump Edition.