Fauci Starting To Think That Maybe Keeping A Daily Perjury Diary Was A Bad Idea

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Chief Medical Advisor Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted to those close to him that he was starting to think that perhaps keeping a detailed daily “Perjury Diary” was a bad idea.

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, Fauci kept meticulous notes in his diary about every lie he told under oath, which in retrospect had begun to seem unwise.

“That might have been a mistake,” said Fauci as he prepared for Congressional questioning. “It seemed like harmless fun at the time, but I suppose writing down each crime I committed, the date, the motivation, and specific evidence for the crime could cause some trouble for me. Hindsight, eh?”

According to sources, lawyers representing Fauci privately said that his keeping a Perjury Diary had put them in a rather difficult position. “Did you really have to write ‘I lied under oath because I thought destroying people’s lives was great sport?'” asked Fauci’s attorney, Mack Parsons. “You’re really making this hard on us, Tony. Would’ve been nice if you’d just not written out ‘It was totally worth committing perjury and killing millions because Julia Roberts sent me flowers. I regret nothing.’ You’re just not giving us much to work with here, bud.”

At publishing time, Fauci had gotten a sinking feeling that naming his grant to China the “Anthony Fauci Coronavirus Gain Of Function Research Into How To Kill Millions For My Own Benefit Grant” may have been a poor choice.