CANTON, OH — Local man Curt Greenfield once again started off the day fairly righteous, right up until the moment that his children woke up.
In what had become a recurring sequence of events, Green began a peaceful morning with prayer and silent worship, only for the situation to rapidly devolve upon his kids regaining consciousness.
“That’s when his holiness level really drops off a cliff,” explained Green’s wife, Michelle. “You wouldn’t know it, but Curt’s level of holiness actually does start off pretty high in the morning. As soon as the kids are up, though, it’s game over.”
Green reportedly woke up at 6:30 a.m. this morning, made a small breakfast, and sat down to do his morning Scripture reading. “Help me to be patient and gracious today,” Greenfield reportedly prayed. “Let my words be seasoned with salt. Help me to see my family as a precious gift and serve them selflessly, as Christ served me.”
At approximately 6:52 a.m., Greenfield’s youngest child entered the room and immediately knocked over his orange juice. Greenfield patiently began scrubbing the carpet, only to hear an entire box of cereal being poured out onto the kitchen floor. He rushed toward the kitchen, only to trip over a glider bike that had been left on its side in the hallway.
Witnesses reported that in the 10 seconds that followed, Greenfield’s holiness level notably declined.
At publishing time, Greenfield had finally gotten all three children out the door to school, at which point his holiness level once again began rising.
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