Entertainment
Disney Attempts To Win Star Wars Fans Back With New Jar Jar Binks Trilogy
BURBANK, CA — In an effort to win back disgruntled fans, Disney executives announced a brand-new Star Wars film trilogy centered entirely around Jar Jar Binks, one of the most popular characters in the franchise.The multi-billion-dollar project…
‘Sesame Street’ Now Preceded By Warning That Its Content Is Not Suitable For Children
NEW YORK, NY — For the month of June, episodes of Sesame Street will now be preceded by a warning indicating that the show is no longer suitable for children, Sesame Workshop announced on Tuesday.According to sources, the show gradually strayed…
Disney Hoping To Revive Star Wars So They Can Kill It Again
BURBANK, CA — Following a precipitous fall at the box office for The Mandalorian and Grogu, reports circulated that Disney executives called an urgent meeting with Lucasfilm to come up with a plan to revive the floundering Star Wars franchise so…
Jimmy Kimmel Signs Endorsement Deal With Midol
U.S. — Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel has officially signed an endorsement deal with Midol.Kimmel stated that the endorsement was a no-brainer, as nothing has worked as well for his PMS and period symptoms."The cramping, the bloating - Midol…
Oh No: Band Going to Play Something From New Album
RED ROCKS, CO — Local concertgoers experienced a wave of dread Friday night when indie-rock front man Julian Vance announced the band was going to "play a little something from the new album."Witnesses confirmed the energy in the…
Review: ‘The Mandalorian And Grogu’ Is A Fun Enough Flick — But It Utterly Fails To Mention Anything About Freeing Palestine
The first Star Wars feature film in seven years should have been a grand event. But from the moment the opening text rolled, it was clear something was amiss. Yes, the story is classic pulp adventure, in the beloved style of Star Wars and…
Nation Looks Forward To Not Watching Stephen Colbert One Last Time
U.S. — With The Late Show scheduled to end its 33-year run on Thursday night, the nation was looking forward to not watching Stephen Colbert one last time.For an entire generation that grew up with The Late Show, the closing episode represents…
“The View” Hosts Clash Over TrumpRx Prescription Drug Discounts
Because if Trump did it, it must be bad. The View erupted into an on-air clash Tuesday after co-hosts Joy Behar and Sunny Hostin blasted President Donald Trump’s push to … lower prescription drug costs through the TrumpRx program?! The daytime…
Nation Just Realized Chelsea Handler Has Been Trying To Be Funny This Whole Time
U.S. — According to overnight reports, a dumbfounded nation at last realized that Chelsea Handler has actually been trying to be funny this whole time.Despite all appearances to the contrary, Handler had reportedly been attempting to be funny…
Disney Purchases Rights To ‘Robot Jox’ Franchise In Blockbuster $7 Billion Deal
BURBANK, CA — In a surprise movie, The Walt Disney Company announced that it had acquired the rights to the 1990 film Robot Jox in a massive $7 billion deal."The prayers of millions of fans have finally been answered," Disney CEO Josh…