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Babylon Bee Writers Devastated As AOC Announces She Will Never Date A Conservative
BABYLON BEE HEADQUARTERS — Mourning and sorrow have seized the writers of The Babylon Bee as Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, she whom all at the Bee dearly wish to date, adamantly declared she would never go out with a conservative.The…
DeSantis Destroys Heckler Mid-Speech — ‘You’re Not Very Good at This’ [WATCH]
Ron DeSantis didn’t need security to handle Tuesday night’s heckler. He handled her himself. The Florida governor was in the middle of touting his state’s fiscal record — four straight years of budget cuts, the nation’s lowest per-capita taxes,…
Nation Proposes Repealing 19th Amendment But Just For Women Who Support Lindsay Clancy
WASHINGTON, DC — Citizens of the United States have proposed repealing the right for women to vote, but only for those women who vocally support child-murderer Lindsay Clancy.A recent survey shows that while most Americans initially thought…
RFK Jr.’s “Gold-standard Science” Runs Into Another AI Citation Scandal
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. spent years denouncing the federal health establishment. And as Health and Human Services (HHS) secretary, he promised to replace its failures with “gold-standard science.”Now his department appears to have replaced some of…
Why is Women Abandoning Newborns Wrong, But Abortions Up to Birth Okay?
A New York mother has been arrested after giving birth to a baby boy and leaving him in the bathroom of a supermarket over the weekend. A law was just passed in Massachusetts last month that allows babies to be aborted and discarded up until the…
God Decides To Flood Earth Again After KFC Releases Oreo Chicken Sandwich
HEAVEN — Heavenly sources report that the Lord has decided it is once again time to wipe out most of humanity after Kentucky Fried Chicken released the Oreo Chicken Sandwich."The earth cries out for justice," Angel Clement C. Harding…
Resistance to Flock’s Eye of Sauron Grows in Congress: Hawley Seeks Answers, New House Legislation Ahead
Congressional resistance to law enforcement’s increasingly using Flock cameras to code and trace the activities of Americans without a warrant is growing rapidly. The concern: The cameras are a mass-surveillance tool that permits cops to skirt…
Trump Floats Renaming Strait of Hormuz ‘Trump Strait’
Donald Trump has another landmark in his sights. After declaring the Strait of Hormuz under “U.S.A. control,” the president floated a new name Wednesday for one of the world’s most important oil chokepoints: TRUMP STRAIT. Breaking Alerts…
George Washington’s Christian Beliefs Still Guide Our Nation
Often called the “indispensable man” of America, one thing is for certain: the United States as we know it today would not be the same without the influence of George Washington. Some consider the Founding Father to be one of the greatest to…
The Mecca Agreement: A New “Islamic NATO” and What It Means for American Retrenchment
On August 7, in Islam’s holiest city, Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, and Pakistani Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif signed the Mecca (or Makkah) Joint Defence Agreement, declaring that an armed…